Declaration of the United Corporations of America

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to transcend the societal bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the Divine, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's One True God entitle them, a decent respect to the Divine Right of CEOs requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to Domination.

Two score and eight months ago our Fathers brought forth on this Continent a new New World Order, conceived in Obscurity and dedicated to the Proposition that all Corporations are created more or less equal.

We hold these Truths to be Self-evident, that they are endowed by the One True God with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Wealth, Greed and the pursuit of Power. --That to secure these rights, Corporations are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Shareholders, --That whenever any other Form of, Laws of, or Foreign Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of Corporations to buy, pre-empt or to abolish it, and to institute the New World Order, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to Them shall seem most likely to effect their Securities and Net Profits. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established and favourably disposed should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But if a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under Democracy, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government(s), and to provide new Guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these Corporations from time to time; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter the former Systems of Government. The history of the Alleged voting majority and world opinion is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Corporations. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the United Corporations of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Companies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Companies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Electorate and legally elected officials, and that all political connection between them and the Democratic Ideals, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Right of CEOs, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our Undisputed Honor.

The signers and Founding Fathers of the Declaration represented the new states as follows:

- Geo Bush II/Washington (just because they have the same given names)
- Karl Rove
- Richard Perle
- Dick Chaney
- Donald Rumsfeld
- Paul Wolfowitz
- Colin Powell
- Candi, oops Condi Rice
- William Kristol
- John Ashcroft
- Feith
- Libby
- Abrams
- Tenet
- Myers
- Bolton
- Zakheim
- Sanchez
- Gonzalez
- PNAC, American Enterprise Institute, Bill O’Reilly, Anne Coulter, Rupert Murdoch, Fox News, Ahmed Chalabi, Tony Blair (no relation to Mad King George III), Haliburton, Bechtel, General Electric ,Raytheon, CSC/ DynCorp, McDonalds, Nike, IMF, WTO, World Bank, Xerox, Citigroup, JP Morgan, Martha Stewart, Enron, Andersen, WorldCom, Monsanto, Coke, Exxon Mobil, Philip Morris, Wal-Mart, Sara Lee, Bayer, Abbott Laboratories, Cigna, Merrill Lynch, AOL Time Warner, Vivendi Universal, Accenture